Ashes to ashes...

A few things happened yesterday when I found the strength to look in the "Gift Bag O' Vito" the vet gave me. I didn't see the ashes.

I've had two cats (Jade and Cheshire Cat) cremated in the past and both were returned to me in plastic bags stuck inside what appeared to be cheap candle tins from the 99 cent store.

But there was no plastic bag with Vito's ashes. What there was was a sealed wooden box with a picture frame on the front, mobile photo above.

I have a confession - when my cat Jade died 12 years ago (an icky tale - his vet asked me to give him a Valium before I moved from one city to another because Jade had a little heart murmur and the vet didn't want him to be stressed out. I gave it to him. It killed him. End of story.) I was (still am) so traumatized by his death that when his ashes came back I opened the little bag of what appeared to be crushed sea shells and I stuck my fingers into it.

Does this make me a total freak; or is someone else going to confess to the same sort of mourning behavior; because I'd rather not believe I'm the only one with this particular brand of crazy.

But with Vito, nope, no access to ashes, no sticking my fingers into the bag. There are screws on the bottom of the box, so I could get to the ashes if I wanted to, say, sprinkle them somewhere or bury them, or star in my very own re-enactment of that scene from Meet The Fockers.

For now, it stays sealed.

So, I get home with this Box O' Vito and try to decide where to put him. I let Grover and Piggy sniff the box but they were way too interested in it, which was sweet but inviting trouble, so I knew I had to put the box somewhere they never go, or it was going to get broken. And then I knew where to put it...way up on top of the armoire where Vito liked to ensure I could not turn on the ceiling fan.

(Yet again another crappy cell phone pic...I wish I'd taken more 'real' photos of Vito, but I had no idea I'd have so little time with him.)

When I got into bed last night (I put the plaster paw prints on the table near my bed), I kept thinking of those ashes up there on the armoire. I really, really, really wanted to go get them and take them to bed with me. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it, and then thinking some more about how this might look should I die in the night and was found cradling a box of ashes in my bed. But I still kept thinking about it - hell, my real friends would love me anyway if I were found that way, right?

Then, I realized if I were to do such a thing as get those ashes and cuddle them all night, it would be a slippery slope, and the next thing I might end up doing was putting on my wedding dress and sitting on the couch crying and eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's Pisctachio Pistachio ice cream while watching the Say Yes To The Dress marathon. And that would be really sad.

So I left his ashes where they were. For now...

OXO

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou

Mobile Photo - Vito's Paw Prints

Hi everyone:

Thank you so beyond words for your comments, emails, wisdom, love, prayers, understanding, etc., etc., etc. This community has awed me. Thank you seems like such an insignificant thing to say right now, but thank you.

I am slowly getting back to everyone, and it means so much to me to be able to do so, but it's taking me a while...thank you for your patience!

Today I picked up Vito's ashes and was given his pawprints. I had not known about it and was so shocked and surprised to see it. It made me laugh because my little bobcat was so small but had the most giant paws of any cat I've ever known. We'd joke that he'd been given the wrong feet! And it made me cry because my little bobcat didn't even get a chance to grow into those crazy-big paws.

I hesitate to say this as there isn't a 'nice' way to say it, but if ever you require, um, 'services' of the nature I required on the 27th, and you live in NYC, may I suggest http://www.nyc-vs.com/. The entire staff from the moment we walked in the door until the moment we left were amazing to us. The experience was non-clinical and as near to being beautiful as such a sad and tragic event could be. I had already mailed the vet a thank you card, but then today when I picked up Vito's ashes and yet again was confronted with understanding and affection from their staff, as well as receiving the above in a little cloth bag imprinted with cartoon cats, well, I feel like I need to send ANOTHER thank you card...that's how good these people were to us.

And that is how all of you made me feel, too - like I need to send each of you two thank you cards and let you know how much I appreciate you.

Thank you. Thank you.

OXO

Allison

Don Vito Curlyone2.?.09 - 11.27.09

Our baby Bobcat, Vito, soon after he came to live with us in August.

There never is enough time, is there?

Vito yesterday, on Thanksgiving. You can see how the Uveitis stole his eyes. And, yes, that's Piggy being his pillow :)

Wednesday Night

Vito and Piggy, just chillin' on this Thanksgiving eve and I am thankful for that...

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am grateful for all of you - your comments and emails and words of wisdom and support and love and prayers.

Me and my Three Musketeers have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

OXO

Tuesday Update

Thanks, everyone, for your love and support! I so appreciate it!

Vito has been diagnosed with the dry form of FIP (or as close as one can be to definitively 'diagnosing' this awful disease).

I will need to put him down, but right now he’s OK – probably by next week he’ll need to go, all depends on when he lets me know – he will tell me when his ready…the vet thought we probably have about a week before he begins to feel badly...his skin is turning yellow and his kidneys are enlarged but vet is CERTAIN he is NOT suffering in any way, even with the eyes - which at this point I can hardly look into because they are so NOT his eyes - the Uveitis is horrible to look at - where once were green, pretty eyes are now golden/mud brown where there even is an iris, huge pupils, white dots and most of one pupil has already 'disappeared'. Pretty awful.

They gave me drops for his eyes, he’s still drinking water on his own and this a.m. he was walking around a lot more than he has since this started on the 14th (damn, he went downhill fast!). Went to his scratching post – sat with Grover and Piggy while they ate, sat with Piggy by the radiator, etc. Slept in my arms again last night.

They also gave me an appetite stimulant for him and about 10 different tasty kinds of foods to entice him to eat something, as he will not eat except for a lick of baby food or a lick of milk.

I know I did everything for him that could be done – no cure for the disease and no preventative. Death sentence, end of story. I'm glad we had 3 and a half months with him - he is (was?) so freaking fun and crazy and wise and snuggly and loving, such a gift to us - such a wonderful gift...and Piggy got the BFF he always wanted. Piggy's going to miss Brokeback Mountain...and I am too. Sidenote - the other day we were all on the couch ("all" being me, Grover, Piggy and Vito) and Vito and Piggy were doing Brokeback Mountain and I turned the TV station and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was on TV - I cracked up!

So, we have a little more time with our baby Bobcat and I am thankful for that, though honestly, it's terrible to see him like this...he was so full of life and sass and like a little Buddha until 10 days ago...the moment he seems to be suffering is the moment we...well, you know...

He's so different now (personality and appearance) that it sort of feels like someone kidnapped our little guy and replaced him with a similar looking cat, his personality is completely changed, he's lost 1.5 pounds since the 14th and is so bony...etc...still the cutest thing ever, but...

Just very, very, very sad. Words cannot express...

Not sure of the lesson in this - I always try to find the lesson - but in this case...I can't. It's just awful and so unfair to Vito. He's an old soul and maybe he stopped by as he was passing through to help us all through a difficult time. I was divorced on the 16th (the day before Vito went to hospital) and even though I was the one who initiated the divorce, it was a long, arduous process, so Vito really showed up at a great time when I needed a distraction...and Piggy really needed a BFF...and maybe that is the lesson - that sometimes you get something you really need, but you don't necessarily get to keep it.

Somehow that doesn't seem very comforting right now.

OXO

Allison

Monday Update

Hi:

Vito spent the night sleeping in my arms - so cute!!! We had lots of little chats in the night and I have a sense of peace about him and what is happening to him - he is such an old soul...and I know he is aware and OK and not suffering despite everything - he is very wise...he will let me know what he wants to do about this...

This a.m. he shocked me by drinking a little water on his own...which thrilled me, first time in 9 days (4 of those days he was on IV fluids) he's chosen to have a beverage.

He used his scratching post for a moment, and even licked 2 licks of milk and one wee lick of tuna...it was SO good to see these positive changes...I felt very encouraged.

But he's developed uveitis from whatever 'disease' he's inflicted with and seems to be quickly losing his sight - his eyes have changed color from green to this muddy-ish brown, and half of one pupil is 'missing'...we'll know more today or tomorrow about whether he has FIP (well, as close as one can have to a diagnosis of that)...but the vet wants him back to the hospital ASAP to have the head of Opthamology see his eyes...because if he does NOT have FIP the eyes are going to be a very big concern...

I'm so thankful for last night with him and that he seemed 'better' this morning, despite how sick he seems to be...it reduces the horror of the past nine days to know he's still my little bobcat...and that he understands what is happening to him...even if I do not.

OXO

Sunday Update

Hi:

It's not Grover. My mom is too tired to write as Grover. Oh wait, that was Grover.

Now it's not.

We took Vito home yesterday - there is nothing more the hospital can do for him...$2,750 later...

He will not eat or drink, though I'm forcing some water into him with an eye-dropper and he fights me all the way. He is alert sometimes, watching what goes on around here...I take him to the window to watch the birds, he likes that. Other times he just lays there and stares or naps. He's curled up like shrimp with his BFF now...

Like I said, he gets feisty when I try to give him water from a dropper...taking his temperature is impossible, he just seems to be rejecting any attempt to help him. He is still on antibiotics, antivirals and Metacam...but it's not looking good - he has not gotten any better at all since he first started getting ill on the 14th.

Last night, his eyes started to change to a weird brown color from the outer edges in - they are now a golden shade where once they were green - one of his pupils is now half 'missing' - another sign of FIP, so I've been told.

We are awaiting results of a few more blood tests tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday a.m. that may help make a definitive diagnosis of the dry form of FIP, but I'm kind of feeling that is what he's got and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to let what was my crazy, fun, happy little bobcat linger like this. It's heartbreaking to watch this happen to my little 9 month old baby who was so healthy 9 days ago...I don't want him to suffer in any way...he doesn't seem to be in pain per se, but he feels like shit.

I know cats can recover from 'fever of unknown origin' and devastating viruses, but he spent four nights in hospital on mass doses of drugs, etc. and has not gotten ANY better at all...

So...will keep you posted. Thanks for your prayers and love. I appreciate it.

OXO

Allison

Metacam Update...

Um, we just found out that the animal hospital gave Vito the Metacam yesterday without asking my mom first, which they had said they would do. It's too late now to 'worry' about it, and, since none of you have had a negative thing to say about the drug, and since Vito's vet is even OK with it - except he said it can give 'false hope' sometimes - we're going to let it go...but that is probably why the fever came down...and we're not thrilled they didn't ask first...

Vito's vet (NOT the hospital) said that in his experience, the kind of fever a cat with FIP gets is a steady one around 103, so he thinks it's a 'good' sign that Vito is staying steady at 105...so far as the FIP diagnosis is concerned, I mean...otherwise, not such a good thing to have a 105 fever, but maybe Vito's body is hot enough now to kill whatever virus/infection/etc. is raging in him.

Oy...

Another not-much udpate...

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, thank you so very, very, very for your good wishes, prayers and all the info. Mom is so sorry she is so behind on email and promises to catch up soon!! We so appreciate you!

Late yesterday, Vito's fever dropped two points and we were very excited. He began eating and drinking again, though they still had him on IV fluids to be certain he stayed well-hydrated because he is on a cocktail of meds, including anti-inflammatories, antivirals and antibiotics. The hospital was unsure which drug may have brought the fever down, but they felt they were on the right track towards getting him well.

Then, at 2am his fever went back up to 105 and has remained steadily there. He is still eating some, still purring when they touch him and still on the IV fluids. As to diagnosis, they are leaning more towards FIP but still not able to be certain, as they hope he just has some bizarre virus that seems unresponsive to the cocktail of drugs.

They still will not let my mom see him and she is very frustrated. She considered showing up at the hospital anyway and demanding to see Vito...with me in tow. I'm tiny and stealth so she thought maybe I could Ninja my way in there and at least bring Vito a message and one of Piggy's sweaters so he could smell home. We still might do it. Piggy wants to come see his BFF (it's been very hard on him, he waits by the door for his BFF to come home), but he's so big and PINK and likes to gallump and I think he would just mess up my game.

To be continued...

Luv,

Grover

Not much of an update...

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, we are so thankful for your kind words and generous prayers and helpful/hopeful emails. You cats (and your peoples!) are amazing. Thank you! It really does feel like it's been one medical drama after the other - with Piggy getting so sick last December and then getting seemingly better a few months ago, and then getting wonky heart on September 15th...and now Vito.

My mom misses him so much and wanted to go visit today but the hospital won't let her. They have Vito in isolation as they feel he may be contagious. They will call later to discuss Metacam because they cannot get the fever down.

My mom made a HUGE mistake and googled Metacam and found this freaking nightmarish site, so now she's all "Um...", but so many of you have told us that you have NEVER personally heard of any cat dying from this drug, so we're going to stick with y'all instead of the bulk of the scary info available online for masochistic people like my mom who tend to torture themselves with worse case scenarios...

More info soon, we hope.

Again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Even from mine.

Luv,

Grover

I really did not wish for this...I just wanted him to leave me alone. I swear!

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, Vito got wonky...wouldn't eat or drink, lethargic, hot, 3rd eye lid wouldn't go back where it belongs...and he's been at the animal hospital since last night.

So far, all we know is he is still on IV fluids (dehydrated), still has a fever of 105 (last night when we got to the hospital it was 105, then very early this a.m. it went down to 104.5 then went back up again a few hours later) and still has a very high globulin count and a very low red blood cell count. Also, last night while he was there his eyelids became rimmed in red, which could indicate he has some weird virus/upper respiratory infection (though he has not even one similar symptom to what I had - and I'm much better, by the way).

They thought they'd need to transfuse him last night but they did not have to. Whew!

Right now, they are thinking a few things but have no definitive information for us, which is frustrating.

He may have: a) some weird upper respiratory infection/virus/infection; B) Toxoplasmosis or c) FIP, but there is no real test for that...they told my mom it's something they wanted her to be aware of though...

They started him on antibiotics today, are going to send off some more bloodwork, including Toxoplasmosis (but the results of that one will take a week to get back) and do some urine tests. They are still trying to get the fever down.

If they cannot get it down by tomorrow, they want to discuss a dose of Medicam, but they said in this case it could cause renal failure so we won't talk about any of that unless/until it's the last resort.

So, needless to say, we're all really stressed out over here.

OK, let me be honest...my mom is distraught and numb, Piggy is devastated and lost, and I'm dancing around with a lampshade on my head chugging shots of Jägermeister.

Party on.

Love,

Grover

Not Too Much To Tell

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, here is a list of things that have been happening in my house:

1) The other day, Piggy licked the microplane my mom had used to grate sharp provolone and he made a tiny nick in his tongue. He's OK now, but can you say "IDIOT"? I wanted to, but I'm much too dignified to say such a thing aloud. I did repeat it numerous times in my head though.

2) I have been sleeping by Piggy more. Mostly, I'm doing it to upset Vito because if I am against Piggy, he cannot be and then he sits a bit away from us and gets this very forlorn look on his face (because he misses his BFF) and his left ear goes back like it does when he's upset...it amuses me. OK, now that I just told you that I feel like a bit of a jack-ass. OK, does it make it any better that I now let Vito come near me sometimes without swatting him hard with my paw? And, sometimes, I let him sit on the stove-top with me, mostly so that we both get yelled at to get off and squirted with Mr. Black (the squirt bottle), because why should I be the only one who suffers?

3) I have an upper respiratory infection. I think Piggy gave me Swine Flu.

4) I am enjoying licking this from my mom's finger. It's supposed to help with my infection, and it seems to be.

5) I have decided that even though my mom does horrible things to me, like not let me live in the cabinet anymore and yell at me when I poop outside the litter box, I am really the favorite. That's because I am the one who most often gets to sit on her lap when she is at the computer, like right now. Only the favorite cat would be able to do that. Also, I am the only one who gets to lick that stuff from her finger. Also, I am the only black, woolly cat in the household. Also, I am wee.

The end.

Love,

Grover

Um, Boo?

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, Halloween is over, but it took me days to be brave enough to post this photo.

Apparently, in honor of Vito's heritage of being 1/3 Devon Rex, 1/3 Bobcat and 1/3 Siamese (we think) Piggy and Vito dressed up as Siamese Twins for Halloween. Or at least I think that is what was happening here.

I am still awaiting results of the police investigation.

I will keep you posted.

Luv,

Grover

Only Because I Was There FIRST!

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I reeeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy don't want to talk about it.

Love,

Grover

P.S. Oh, stop your gushing. I BARELY let him touch me. I think MAYBE just ONE of his weird, coarse wire-hairs MAYBE just BARELY GRAZED my soft woolly lamb fur. MAYBE.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I don't want to talk about it.

Love,

Grover

Why I Got Yelled At...Again

EWWWW!

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, Vito did get the cabinet open for me, but mom got mad and put a baby-lock-thingie on it, so his efforts yielded no positive results.

I guess I won't be pooping in the cabinet anymore. And I am not going to be Vito's friend either. He is worthless to me.

I've taken to pooping under the armoire now. Twice, so far.

Even though I got yelled at, I think this new enjoyment of pooping outside of the litterbox is a natural reaction to having to witness the chronic sight you see above. Someone besides me must suffer for it. So, I figure my mom having to clean up a big, steamy pile of poop first thing in the morning is fitting, don't you?

Geez, you two. Get a room!

Harrumph.

Love,

Grover

Grover's Nature Show

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, today I will teach you all a few facts about baby Bobcats.

In the wild, baby Bobcats survive by eating pigs and pickles. In captivity, they become BFFs with Pig, but they still eat pickles.


Here is another fact about baby Bobcats.

In the wild they like to chew on sticks. In captivity, they chew on rawhide sticks (for dogs) and lollipop sticks (they steal the lollipops from the cabinet first).


And those are all the facts about baby Bobcats that I will share today.

Thank you.

Luv,

Grover

Home Sweet Home?

Don Vito Curlyone proudly displaying his prolific curly chest hair, disorganized whiskers and giant paws. (mobile phone photo)

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I think I may have found a use for the moggy interloper seen above.

This morning, I was minding my own business (as I always do), sitting on the stove and staring down my mother as she made tea (I am still FURIOUS that she taped my cabinet shut) and she was all kissing up on me and mushing my head in a manipulative and failed attempted to reconcile.

I remained steadfast and did not purr, nor rub against her, though it was hard not to, but she is still on a time-out so far as I am concerned.

Anyway, so finally she leaves me alone and goes to do whatever it is she does when she's not being mean to me, and then, of course, Vito saunters into the kitchen and walks to the stove and stares up at me with his Bobcat eyes in a manipulative and failed attempt to be my friend.

But then...oh gosh, I still cannot believe this happened...the little bugger started to PULL THE TAPE OFF THE CABINET!

The noise brought my mom back to the kitchen and he got yelled at and sprayed with the water bottle but, judging by the look he gave me before he ran from her assault (can someone call the Humane Society, please?) he led me to believe that once she left the house to make money to buy our food and toys and litter and pay for Piggy's vet bills, he was going to get that tape off for good and I was going to be able to move back in!

I am SO excited!

To be continued...

Luv,

Grover

Lesson of the Day - The Cabinet Is Not A Litterbox

The reflection of my mom's light had me mesmerized!

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen. I was evicted from my new home inside the kitchen cabinet and I'm really angry about it.

See, it's like this, Vito kept trying to get inside. I was getting more and more mad, so I figured out a way to make him stop. I pooped in the cabinet. Now, don't get all judge-y judge-y on me here. You would have done the same thing.

But, in retrospect, it may not have been the best action to take.

See, once I pooped in there I realized it wasn't going to be much fun to LIVE in there, so I pulled some lids to the Tupperware onto the poop to try to cover it. That didn't work, so I went into the box of Ziploc bags and pulled some out and put those over the poop, too. And that is when my mom came into the kitchen to investigate all the noise.

She opened the cabinet door and bellowed, "GROVER! NO YOU DIDN'T!" But, um, yeah, I did.

And that is when I got REALLY yelled out and she began throwing things out of the cabinet like a crazy person....can you say OVER-REACTIVE!? Exactly. And then she must have sprayed half a bottle of bleach spray all over the freaking place. And she was so mad because she had to throw all these different things away.

Sigh.

And then, the worst part, after she threw all the stuff out and cleaned up the poop and left the whole apartment smelling like bleach spray, she taped the cabinet closed and I can't open the door anymore to get it.

To say I am insulted does not do justice to the rage within me. I am now not only on strike, but starting the legal process to disown her. And Piggy and Vito, too.

So there.

Harrumph.

Luv,

Grover

Make It Stop, Please...

I can't quit you.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, we love you all and so appreciate the love and support and prayers and good wishes you are sending our way. THANK YOU!

That picture up there is, yet again, another example of the disgusting displays of affection I am being forced to tolerate because my brothers just don't know when to quit it!

I feel like today it's more OK for me to express my distaste for the two of them because Piggy is eating and acting normal, mostly, and then he gets wonky, and then he's totally normal again, and then he's not - so, see, now I can talk sass about him and stuff without feeling guilty.

We were a little taken aback when the vet called yesterday to tell us (very kindly) that there was no need to put Piggy through any more tests or procedures, because after so much done, they won't ever be able to tell us what exactly is going on with him...(and he cannot withstand anesthesia) so, we should let Piggy be Piggy - let him eat and play and love and knock over the little rocks in the bathroom and steal Vito's food and annoy the heck out of me...in other words, give him his meds, leave him be and what will happen will happen and that is that.

We know that death from arrhythmia would be quick and painless and would probably transpire in his sleep and there is comfort in that...sort of. And, anyway, we think he's going to outlive all of us...so there. We have received so many emails from you folks telling us of miracle stories with your own 'doomed' babies and we are taking comfort and faith in that. Thank you.

For now, he's our little (and getting littler) pink Pig and I'm glad he finally has a friend to snuggle, because lord knows for the past seven years of his life I'd only go near him every now and again and only when no one was looking. What? You think that's mean? I can't help it - he smells like potatoes and mushrooms! What, I'm supposed to hold my breath?!

Sheesh.

Luv,

Grover

P.S. Thank you all so very, very much! Words cannot express. I am honored by your thoughts and prayers. OXO Allison (the mom of these 3)

All You Need Is Love

Ooo, you make me live...ooo, you're my best friend...

Hi:

It's Grover. Listen, just because I licked Piggy's eye gook out of his eye and ate it doesn't mean I'm disgusting, OK?

I got into a fight with Vito last night because he keeps trying to come into my house and it's really getting on my nerves. He is tenacious! Anyway, we were on the table and I was smacking him in the head very hard and we somehow knocked over the Brita water pitcher and it fell to the floor and cracked open and all that water went everywhere. Mom was none too pleased. But I am the victor and will be again. A small causality will not deter me.

My mom can't have been too upset because right now I am sitting on her lap and periodically licking her as I type this. Piggy and Vito are, of course, asleep on the couch together, showing off their love. I think they should just get a room and leave the rest of us out of it, thank you very much. This mobile phone picture is from the other day, before Piggy got wonky so, see, it's not even because Piggy is wonky that Vito wants to be all gooshy with him. Sheesh.

This morning Piggy ate a little and seemed more alert, but then he got very tired and went back to sleep. I'm going to go back to sleep now, too.

Oh, there is one more thing I want to tell you. Hard boiled egg yolks. Delicious. That is all.

Luv,

Grover